one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
