I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
