I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
