Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
