Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
