you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
