WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
