Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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