also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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