Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
