We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
