he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
