Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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