I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
