She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What a dumb baby whore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
