her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
