Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize