No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
