the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
