Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
