I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
