And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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