I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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