Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I could fuck to npr.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
