Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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