Me. At least after what I've been through.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
