Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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