if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
