I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
