no, he came in my armpit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
