I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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