Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
