I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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