On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
MIDGETS
????
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
