Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
