...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
