did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
