@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
