Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
