A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
