I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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