suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
