I must be too annoying 4 u.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
