I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
