Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
