i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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