lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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