Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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