NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
