Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Non-Jews are for practice
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
