first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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