No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
