Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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