I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize