So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
