I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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