I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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