That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
