at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
