Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
