How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
