I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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