you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
