Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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