Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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