I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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