alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
