She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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