I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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