She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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