My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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