Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
