ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
